Home > Places > A random trip to Embu!

A random trip to Embu!

Like any other working human, there’s that awesome feeling that envelopes me every week when Friday 5pm is looming. So last week on Friday at around 4pm I was sitting on my desk trying to look busy when a colleague walks up to me and excitedly tells me that there’s a plan for Embu. “Is there transport?” I ask. That’s all that mattered. See I’m one of those people that were born ready for whatever. If a plan sounds solid, as long as I’m not in the ICU, you can count me in. So when he confirmed that there was transport, Joey was game.

Embu couldn’t wait till 5pm so I had to come up with an ingenious emergency exit plan. My manager sits a few steps from me so there’s no way I was going to walk out with my laptop. The plan was to switch it off, lock it in my locker and bolt, claiming that I was going to a department on ground floor. Sounds easy right? It is, as long as you do not forget to mute your laptop before shutting it down. Yap the genius in me forgot to mute the damn thing so as it was shutting down that Windows tune sold me out! My boss looked up and I was like, “For some reason this thing keeps restarting itself. Must be a virus.” I had to switch it on again and re-take the whole thing. The second time around everything worked out and I was on my way downstairs ‘to see a colleague’.

Joey was free as a bird.

Funny thing is that even after cleverly pulling a disappearing act, we were not out of the office until 6pm. We passed by Total, bought drinks and peanuts then set out on our road trip. The driver was drinking sprite while the rest of us drank something that had a little sprite and too much Gin. We were a bunch of five boys in that vehicle so you can imagine the kind of stories that were being shared. Especially a few kilometers later when the drinks started taking effect.

At about 8pm we got to Embu and headed straight to the famed Izaak Walton Inn. When we got there everything was just chilled out. The music was a bit low and people were seated in small groups discussing their bosses while sipping on pint. We picked a table and ordered for drinks. The guys just had to do it the Kenyan style. You know where one guy does a round of two for everyone and suddenly his peers feel the need to return the favor instantly. In the end the table ends up looking like a mini bar.

The common name for the joint is Kenol (t’s adjacent to Kenol petrol station). I’m told it’s the place to be around there. For the Embu peeps, Kenol is like Rafikis, Sailors and Skylux all rolled into one. Okay the chicks do not exactly dress like the kind you would find in these joints but you get the point. Heck they do not even sound like the ones in the aforementioned places. A few misplaced Rs and Ls made it very clear that we were not anywhere near Nairobi. But at least no one was drinking their beer using straws. Anywhere up in Embu, they know that if you plan to have a fun night, Kobil is the place to be.

My eyes wandered around the place as revelers trickled in. As usual seated in a corner was a lady that was constantly making calls and shouting angrily on her phone. I suspected she had been stood up. Girls in this region are well known for their flaring temper so I was vigilant just in case a beer bottle comes flying over.

By 10pm the club was packed and the dance floor was a beehive of activity. By 3am some revelers had blacked out on the tables while one or two would even throw up after their insides could no longer hold in the toxic substance. But the dance floor never cleared up. Embu folks like to get down. And they have amazing endurance. There were folks that danced for seven straight hours!

I was leaving for Nairobi at 11am. Mind you I was meant to be in the office at 9! And the journey even became longer because the ladies I was traveling with would stop at every town to buy whatever the inhabitants offered. From rice to papaws to tomatoes. Heck I even thought they might try to purchase a child from its mother. But I have to admit that food is ridiculously cheap in those sides. There was a woman that walked up to us with a bunch of so many papaws and when we asked her how much they go for she said ksh150! For a minute there everyone was confused. You would think she’d answered in Mongolian.

Traffic was crazy a few kilometers to the CBD. I think it took us longer to get to the city center from Ngara than it had taken us to get to Ngara from Embu! We sat in traffic for so long I could feel my beard sprouting. We were so frustrated no one was uttering a word. Well apart from the occasional Nks and Mscheews from the girls. Then I spotted something very fascinating as I stared out of the window:

In case you are reading this from the phone and the photo is not legible, it reads:

DEENDAYAL BHAVAN

VIVEKANAND BALMANDIR

(NURSERY SCHOOL).

At first I thought I was so exhausted and so sleep deprived that I was seeing my own things but then I confirmed with a friend. As in that’s the name of a freaking nursery school. I took out my phone and took a photo then sat there wishing some kid would walk out of the gate so I could stop him/her and politely enquire where s/he goes to school. How does a three year old get that name into his/her tiny head? I mean by the time the teacher gets to the third word the kid is probably thinking about teddy bears and his mommy. Any child from there that can state the name of his school is a genius. He should just go ahead and apply to MIT or one of those Ivy League institutions.

Anyway it was an eventful weekend for me. Save for the fact that I do not foresee the employee evaluation going in my favor this time around. I guess this is where the hedonists say YOLO!

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Categories: Places Tags: ,
  1. July 30, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Nice one Joey! I like the humor……..pls post the pics of your now grown beard ha ha.

  2. thatguy
    July 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

    You know where one guy does a round of two for everyone and suddenly his peers feel the need to return the favor instantly. In the end the table ends up looking like a mini bar…….funny boss!

    • July 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

      Isn’t that how Kenyans like to do it?

  3. July 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Joey, I take it from this post that your boss doesnt read this blog? Ha! I want to know what happened between the hours of 10 pm and 11 am the following morning. And where did the ladies of the return trip come from? Wacha censorship man!

    • July 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm

      Haha Alex we don’t do this to each other… My boss doesn’t look like he reads anything that does not contain IT jargon.

  4. Anonymous
    July 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    So you go to Embu with 5 boys & come back with girls? surely, Embu women’s attitude can’t be that bad if some voluntarily let you bring them back home? Is the place to be Kenol or Kobil? some of us want to know for future trips lol
    Its nice when you do spontaneous stuff & we get a story out of it.

    • July 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

      Ok since you guys are so determined, I will come out clean. These ladies I came back with were not random chipos from Embu but friends of mine who were part of the organizing team for this event. I ditched the boys (in the morning) because they were not in a hurry to get back to town and I thought I could make it to work in time. Methinks I should have done law.

      The place is called Kenol. Apologies for the mix up

      • Anonymous
        July 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

        Lol now that explains it better 🙂 its never too late to do law you know. Joey, if you are ever offered a solid plan in an ICU take it & run with it. Take this from someone who spends enough time there to know how rare solid plans are in that place…

  5. Mercy
    July 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Joel Joel hata kama ni randomness..when i saw on fb that u were in Embu i thought it was a trip u had planned since sijui when! SERIOUSLY….where is Danso we zusha about this! 🙂

    • July 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

      Mercy you’ve been lost! Embu was random, now this coming weekend’s plan has been planned like they planned the raid on Osama in Pakistan. If it works out we shall have a nice blog post next Wednesday!

  6. Adhys
    July 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    See, apart from the drinking(Kenyan style), you had to go back with a number of chicks! I agree, interesting trip!

    • August 2, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Hehe believe you me, it was very interesting!

  7. August 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Made my day Joey!

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