Home > People > The man himself: Miguna Miguna

The man himself: Miguna Miguna

In my early years of primary school we had this class prefect who was a huge pain in the ass. He was like that boil that rests menacingly on the buttock. This kid always had a long list of noise makers which he never hesitated to present to the teacher even when not asked. And like the Raila’s name on Miguna’s book, my name always featured in those lists. More than once I tried to win him over by sharing my break. Little Miguna would munch on it as we exchanged niceties and still go ahead and hang me out to dry. But even that little snitch has nothing on one Miguna Miguna!

For the past two weeks or so, the talk of town has been one Miguna Miguna and his snitching prowess. If there ever was a Snitching Award Miguna would sweep all categories. The mouth on this guy is phenomenal. I have never seen a bigger snitch – you can take that both literally and figuratively. Come to think of it, that class prefect back in primo might actually be related to this guy. If I can remember correctly his head was shaped like Miguna’s. He would never back down even when we threatened to kick his ass after school. Plus he never wore underwear. Ok the last point might have nothing to do with Miguna bit it’s worth mentioning.

I have not yet read Miguna’s book, ‘Peeling Back The Mask’ but I have read each one of the excerpts on the papers. You’ve got to admire the audaciousness and malevolence in his writing. Dude is not holding back. As I read those articles I could picture him sitting upright with a laptop on the table before him. I could see him sitting there with the sleeves of his shirt folded up. I could see the mist forming on his glasses as he let out heavy breaths that reeked of spite. I could almost hear the sound of the keyboard as he furiously typed away. I have a feeling the first laptop he used ended up in pieces after he smashed it against the wall when the Space bar got stuck after succumbing to the heavy punching.

I suspect he always had a glass of Fanta Orange by his side. I imagine that’s the drink favored by snitches. I can almost see the smug, glaring look on his face as he typed away. Once in a while he would get carried away and get infuriated and that’s when he used the insolent, injurious words that shape his writing. What he said about some MP called Elmi got me in stitches! I laughed so hard I added two more years to my life-span even though the comments were a little out of line. How do you go ahead and call a grown up shallow and clueless? If I were Elmi I would prove him wrong and write something too. Even if it’s a magazine. Or just start a blog. Anything that would redeem my image. Someone please introduce the brother to WordPress.

As humans, we get the urge to exert revenge when wronged. I for one would plan and strategize on how to get back on someone depending on how far that person crossed me. The impulse to retaliate and cause harm to someone who has aggrieved us is innate. But there are limits to which you can cause detriment to somebody. The first rule in the book, Rules of Vengeance states that in the line of revenge, you do something that will harm your offender just as much – or slightly more – than he/she harmed you. Do not go overboard. It further states that thou shalt not reveal secrets that were once disclosed to you in confidence.

Okay I might have made up the better part of that paragraph but I believe my rules fall in the broad category of common sense. Any sensible person knows that when someone trusts you with intimate secrets you are not allowed to spill even after you’ve fallen out. Find other ways to get back at your offender but do not stoop so low as to start exposing the skeletons.

Personally, I have no regard for Miguna Miguna. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against whistle blowing or doing what is morally right. If he had come out and spilled the beans while he was still working with the PM then I would not have any qualms with him. My problem is that he is now doing it out of deep-rooted hatred and malice. He is spilling out information that he had once sworn to take to the grave. And that in my opinion makes Miguna Miguna a big-headed, loud-mouthed sissy. Someone not worth being applauded.

During the launch of his book and during his interview with Jeff Koingange, Miguna exuded so much confidence and ferocity. He breathed fire and appeared indomitable. Big words were used. “Miguna Miguna cannot be intimidated… I have taken out my gun and fired in the air… I dare them to come after me; come baby come” Miguna emphatically threw down the gauntlet. Little did we know that it was just a charade. One day later, the guy fled to Canada in the dead of the night! I must admit I was a bit disappointed. I felt cheated.

See Miguna Miguna had made me believe that he was the modern day Gladiator only to take off with his tail between his legs. I was looking forward to seeing Miguna going all Terminator on his adversaries. I had already pictured him standing his ground with a bazooka on his shoulder firing away while taking bullets to the chest but refusing to fall to the ground. That’s a great picture right there, isn’t it? Just replace his bishop-like robe with bad-ass armor. Sarah, if you spot him sauntering around the streets of Toronto tell him that Joey is very disappointed in him. He’ll probably be hiding beneath a huge sombrero and a dark pair of sun-glasses so please stay alert.

All in all, the circumstances in which that information has been brought to light does not negate the fact that the PM has a case to answer. As much Miguna might have blown some things out of proportion, not all the information in his book is sheer BS. Some stories seem credible. It is amazing how people can lead double lives. How does someone get up in the morning and spend his day preaching reforms while they have so much dirt under their beds? How do they even sleep on those beds? Oscar Awards organizers need to broaden their scope. Such talent should not go unrecognized.

There are some big lessons that can be learnt from the Miguna Miguna’s saga. For starters, I have learnt not to go offending people. I am not sure what the PM did to warrant such bitterness and hatred but damn, it must have been something very cruel. I suspect there’s more to the whole story than simply firing the dude. And if it’s just that, then Miguna is indeed loco. I mean if I got fired today I might get tempted to disparage some people but going ahead to write a whole book to uncover everything? That’s crazy.

As proverbial saying goes; keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It seems like RAO does not take his quotes seriously now does he? He needs to pay as much attention to sayings as he does his parables. The people who came up with these quotes were not just blabbering. They knew what they were talking about after experience taught them a lesson. Whoever came up with that particular quote must be very disappointed with RAO.

It seems like not everyone has read and understood The Rules of Revenge. It is imperative that people read those rules. That way lines will not be crossed so grievously. If you want a copy please holler at me. As a matter of fact they should let me do a draft so they can put it in the constitution. You cannot go disclosing people’s secrets and tarnishing their image anyhowly. What Miguna did is not only a total disregard of The Rules of Revenge but is also against the Bro Code!

Lastly, never trust a man whose second name resembles his first. He’s probably one loose cannon.

  1. Antoh
    July 18, 2012 at 9:36 am

    i think Miguna did himself a de-service. His egocentric and abrasive nature deflected all the attention from the book to himself. Aside from all the Ad hominems being thrown around in RAO’s defence, it can’t be denied that his office is tainted with corruption & filth.
    Excellent Article! I agree, Oscar awards waambiwe kuna talent huku!

    • July 18, 2012 at 12:50 pm

      Well put Antoh. You can tell that the guy is driven by feelings.

  2. Alex
    July 18, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Its exactly like you say Joey, if the man was so keen on blowing the whistle he’d have spoken up while still in RAO’s office. Unfortunately now everything he says is tainted by what looks like malice, which is a pity because he’s exposing dirt that needs to be exposed even more. Double lives? I’m starting to think these buggers are schizo.

    Nicely done Joey. I particularly liked the Fanta orange, very clever.

    PS. Some of us neanderthals are not on twirra, so when you don’t post on Monday, and you don’t even leave us a note explaining…. What the hell man? 🙂

    • July 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm

      Thanks Alex. Nice to see we agree on so much nowadays. Joeytales has a fanpage which anyone can follow. You have a facebook account right? Usiniangushe…

      • Alex
        July 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

        Facebook? What’s that? When I say neanderthal, I mean stone age my friend, but look at the upside, this way I have to keep coming back to check, no? Hahaha…

  3. Anonymous
    July 18, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I share your sentiments and thoughts on Double M,but the part about the prifo not wearing undies,now how did you end up with that knwolegde?

    • July 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

      When a dude goes all commando on us while wearing short shorts, things tend to peep. No one likes to stay in darkness.

  4. Anonymous
    July 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    I will give him your message when I spot him Joey (haki wakenya na kutuma salamu!!! lol)

    On a serious note though, dude sounds like a sissy (i am beginning to think you are in love with that word) those who are serious about spilling do it before they are fired & have a plane ticket ready for their exit strategy. Disturbing & hilarious how he challenged them to a serious fight then threw in the towel deciding to fight extreme temperatures instead!!!

    Sadly, most political whistle blowers are just like him. You should see the number of former government intel officers, MP’s & such from my country who’ve done that. Such a shame.

    I loved the “modern day gladiator” stand-down. Too bad these buggers are never willing or able to give us the fight we want out of them…(The Bourne trilogy comes to mind).

    • July 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

      Haha now where has the salamz story come from? Very funny. I must admit I like the word sissy even though I dislike sissies. You should tell these folks to man up and go back home and deal with the storms they stirred.

      • Anonymous
        July 19, 2012 at 6:59 am

        The salamz story? well, you can’t just walk up to a guy in a sombrero & sun-glasses and start spilling lines about disappointments and all. I am a better African than that lol. So, I have to salimia him (because you sent me) plus its humid as hell on this side of ocean thus the poor guy will probably be chocking under that sombrero & I will have to be nice to him…before I tell him that y’all are disappointed in him.

        I googled his story (yes, I am ashamed to admit that I never listen/watch/read the news) and telling from what he’s been claiming those guys did & that he knew about it, he should surrender himself to the International Criminal Court & urge his former colleagues to do the same. Or maybe we should find him in this Canada of ours & direct interpol in his direction. No need to rush to conclusions though because the man says that he’s not fled the country & will be back to Kenya to defend himself. We’ll just have to wait & see.

  5. conso
    July 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    i gues aint talkin lyk thiz bcoz ur dearest politician ameingiliwa as a gd analyst shd knw hw smthin started, its cause, d coarse its takin n b able 2 inteprete itz ending xo stp judgin learn facts

    • July 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      This is so hard to decode. English please.

  6. no.1 fan
    July 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    come baby come!! that one had me in stitches…..always a pleasure stopping by here.and are u sure there is NO ONE you would like to put in their place? perhaps a trip to Nyali would refresh ur mind….:-)

    • July 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm

      I’m glad to have you here! Now which storos are those you are bringing..

  7. Anonymous
    July 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    ha ha ha that part about snitches drinking fanta just got me, too funny man! well apparently he’s in Canada promoting his new book so who knows he might just surprise us… nway good read as always

    • July 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

      He he thanks. I guess time will tell.

  8. July 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    *sigh* I’ve been really trying to run away from this ‘topic’ but it seems to be everywhere…

    Ok, here’s the way I see it:

    Does the guy lack tact? Yes.
    Is he self-serving? Most definitely yes.

    BUT (and it’s a huuuuge BUT) I feel, that we are missing the point. We are sooo focussed on spitting venom at the guy we forget that what we really should be concerned (and majorly pissed) about, are the serious corruption issues he’s raised…we forget, that usually, the underlings of any boss are a true reflection of who that boss is…and I have a feeling, certain individuals are fervently praying that we keep missing that point…

  9. July 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Professional writers might have missed the point but not me. Having been around for sometime you already know this blog does not tackle grave issues. I leave such somber topics to journalists who have the resources to verify such claims.

  10. July 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Just wondering if anyone can point to any whistle-blowers who blew the whistle whilst still in office/are still in office?

    • July 19, 2012 at 7:38 pm

      I’m not getting. Are you defending Miguna?

      • July 19, 2012 at 8:23 pm

        Hehehehe…I’m not taking sides, the somber issues have been left for the journalists, right? Just asking a question….

  11. Rossie
    July 20, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Yeah for asking for comments in english.
    I have started reading the book and he seems to have an over developed sense of self importance. That being said we should not dismiss the allegations against RAO

    • July 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

      Rossie, nicely put: “over developed sense of self importance.” We’ll see how it all unfolds.

  12. July 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Dude,Fanta orange being a drink favored by snitches?? Lol. You killin’ me man,,My ribs. Speak of that prefect in primo,I’m reminded of this cop in high school who was a real thorn in the woods.But he had to pay for the injustices.So with his sickening behavior of borrowing tissue papers,a regular lender poured much pilipili and gave it in time just for the cop’s long call.He picked it up without much thought-prefect that is,rushed to the loo and come later after his poo business,you could see the horror recorded in his face.Man,his ass was itching bad.He couldn’t settle,let alone sit for the lessons.Boy,did that hurt!
    That was it.He learn’t his lesson real hard and went way to tame his animosity.

    • July 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

      Hahaha that was nasty of you! Maybe ROA should stalk M2 and pull that stunt…

  13. July 23, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    There have been articles in the paper of late rubbishing Kenyans (seemingly) collective response to Miguna and claiming that we are intolerant and coming short of calling us anti-reformist. I must admit that my reaction to Miguna was somewhat similar to my reaction to Githongo. I’ve been seated on the sidelines sufficiently repulsed and feeling that any man worth their salt would have found a proper way to go about things. With Githongo, I felt that his crying about Kenya’s problems to the BBC was akin to a crybaby hiding behind his mother’s skirts. With Miguna, it’s clear that his intention was not to help the course of justice in this country but to sully the name of RAO .. the same name he had only recently acclaimed with seeming sycophancy

    To the paper commentators I say that in the same way that Miguna is free to say what he will, I’m free to not like it and express the fact that I don’t like it. Thanks for giving me a forum!

    • July 24, 2012 at 9:03 am

      You’re welcome Spinster. I sure as hell don’t like it too!

  14. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Excellent read-i’m a new reader of your blog & i must say i’m quite impressed:)

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