Home > Behavior > Men too, get sentimental

Men too, get sentimental

I was sitting with my laptop staring at a blank word document (that was just as blank as my mind) before Tyrese came on tv.  Is it just me or is there a big incongruity between how Tyrese looks and the genre of music he does? See when you look at a guy like Bruno Mars and you hear him sing his hit Grenade, it makes sense. Tyrese on the other hand looks like one of those unruly, hardcore rappers. You know those that rap about shooting n*ggers and smoking weed. The bad ass character he plays in the movie Death Race fits his look better than the singing. I’m watching him sing his heart out as he performs one of his popular hits, SWEET LADY. Despite the tough guy look this guy is as sappy as they come.

Unlike Tyrese, most men would rather walk on red-hot charcoal than reveal their sentimental side to the masses. We walk around acting like we have little skulls where our hearts should be. We act like tough emotionless creatures who never pay attention to matters of the heart. You are more likely to get a crook to confess to theft than to get a man to admit that ‘he is in love’. The L-Word is not a part of our vocabulary. But most often than not, the tough guy look is merely a façade.

Men might not be as emotional as the ladies. We might not need to remove our hankies to wipe away tears at the end of a sappy story; we might not find soap operas enthralling; we might not have Westlife on our playlists, but each and every man has a story. And there’s always a chick somewhere that can tell that story. Every man gets whipped at some point in his life; and a whipped man is a man saturated with emotion.

You can always spot a man that’s whipped. He is tame and gentle when around the object of his affection. He looks at her when she speaks. There’s that smoky, sultry look in his eyes. The tone on his voice is soft and low. He will sit as close as possible to his lady and will keep touching her. Not one of those lustful touches but an innocuous, subconscious one.

While I was out last week I witnessed something interesting. A few tables from where I was seated, I discerned a whipped man. He was seated next to a very pretty, chilled-out lady. I knew the man was whipped because he was trying really hard. I could tell that it was intense over there. The guy did most of the talking while the chick listened on. Occasionally he would stop talking and stare at her, probably waiting for an answer. She however didn’t seem to give him the answer that he wanted. She was not being snobbish; she just seemed to have a different stand-point.

I could see that the two were having one of those serious talks that shape people’s futures. At some point the guy even took off his spectacles and I couldn’t help thinking that he had literally seen the light. Unlike many other boys in the club, this one was not just trying to get laid. He was seeking something deep. He would put his hand on her arm as he spoke and he looked at her like she was something out of this planet.

That’s a guy that was ready to do anything for a chick. I suspected he’d spent the afternoon with her in the salon as she was getting her hair done. He looked like he was about to go all Tyrese on her and start singing Sweet Lady. Heck he looked like he might burst into tears and weep into her bosom. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for the poor guy.

A man’s true nature is revealed, not when in battle, but when alongside the object of his affection.

Isn’t it funny how a man will act all macho in the streets but go all soft when he is with the lady he adores? It’s amazing how a woman can strip all that bravado charade and reveal the raw emotion veiled within. In that regard, I have come up with a list of DOs and DON’Ts for the men out there who might find themselves in this tricky situation:

  1. Don’t beat around the bush. Just say it as it is. Don’t shy away from telling her why you want her in your life. Fungua roho.
  2. Sell yourself while at it. There are countless other men out there who have also noticed her. Make yourself special. Just be careful not to appear conceited.
  3. Flirt with her. Look for that distinct quality that makes her stand out. Be careful not to seem like you are simply after sex.
  4. Get to know her. Take interest in her. Ask her questions and listen attentively. Remembering something that she told you some time back will go a long way.
  5. Impress her. It’s not that hard to impress her once you’ve gotten to know what she’s into. Get to know what she likes/dislikes and you will come out as thoughtful.
  6. Show her that you care. Open the door for her; pull her a chair; ask her if she’s freezing (and hope she says no because you will have to give her your jacket). Actions speak louder than words.
  7. Don’t get worked up when she doesn’t respond as you want. Do not lose your cool and start banging the table. Stay calm and you might just win her over.
  8. For God’s sake don’t threaten to do anything stupid. Telling her that you will hang yourself if she doesn’t take you is not advisable.
  9. Don’t be too needy. Give her some space. Desist from texting her every 5 minutes to let her know that you’re thinking about her.
  10. Be yourself. Don’t feel the need to appear sophisticated. Good table manners are in order but you do not need to flaunt your French proficiency.
  11. Do not try to win her over by spending big. Don’t spoil her too much in the initial stages. You want her to fall for you, not your money.
  12. Don’t be a sissy. You do not have to start watching her favorite soap just so that you can have something in common. You do not have to sit with her at the salon. Don’t carry her handbag.
  13. Don’t talk/act like one of her girlfriends. That’s how boys end up in the friends zone.
  14. Do not believe in crappy sayings. Like the one that says that if it was meant to be then it will be. You go and make it happen.
  15. Do not stalk her!
  16. If she’s worth it, don’t give up easily. At times a chick just wants to see that you are sincere. Remember, persistence breaks resistance.
  17. Lastly, if she’s a soft one, you could try shedding a tear. You don’t want anyone else to see this so ensure it’s just the two of you. Ladies like a man who can show some emotion.
Categories: Behavior
  1. thatguy
    July 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

    i will not comment!

  2. Anonymous
    July 2, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    no 6 is just too funny!! but true actions definately speak louder than words

    • July 3, 2012 at 8:45 am

      Hehe having to share your coat on a freezing evening is not that funny…

  3. theobserver
    July 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Dude,don’t u juz knw hw to put it in writing!! Some useful tips there,u might as well become a relationship counsellor

    • July 3, 2012 at 8:51 am

      I’m trying to picture myself seated opposite a couple that’s on the brink of divorce and I’m asking questions like, Do you want to throw away the nine years just like that? What about the kids?

      Thanks for the compliment.

  4. The Goon
    July 4, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Nice Piece but point no.6 eish too much! but no.15 well I have tried it and it works!

    • July 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

      The one that’s too much is the one that scores you the most points! Hahaha Goon The Stalker…

  5. July 5, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Hehehehe…I like number 12 – in other words that Adam and Eve don’t need to be joined at the hip….

    ps…tyrese is as corny as they get in that video, it is just those tattoos and abs that suggest incongruity

  6. July 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    # 4, in my opinion, is the most important…different strokes, for different folks…Most guys skimp over this one ’cause it actually requires you to roll up your sleeves and ‘work’…which takes time & requires loooots of patience…

    PS: On a lighter note, would I sound crazy if I say Tyrese (from his songs to the man) never did it for me? But to be fair, I was eternally swooning over ‘The Boss’, ‘Bon Jovi’ and Slash to really take the time to notice the guy…Do have a fab weekend

  7. July 6, 2012 at 9:36 am

    PPS:While at Alex’s, I saw the story ideas you’re toying with…Methinks you should write them anyway in a new blog (A short fic corner of sorts) under an alias…Now that would be badass. Let me know as soon as its up.

  8. e.c
    July 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    i’d love to hear from miss. L what caught her attention from the pointers…

  9. July 18, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Lessons learnt today that i think will stick wit me 4 a while summed up in one simple quote “Persistence breaks resistance”

  10. July 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

    #1 just rocks for me …man i hate guessing when it comes to men.

  11. Linda
    August 15, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Persistence breaks resistance….but always know when to walk away 🙂

  12. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Our vey own Dr. Phill:) I hop you practise what you preach……….:*

  13. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 11:10 am


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