Home > Nonsense > This annoying 4pm rain!

This annoying 4pm rain!

Last week, after we got stuck in traffic for hours, I witnessed a man of the cloth in his full clergy outfit burst into a fit of anger. I watched in disbelief as he started cursing furiously and hurling obscenities and at some point he started banging his head against the steering wheel, and only stopped after his biretta (that clerical hat) fell off revealing an awkward bald head. That’s how bad the situation gets when it decides to start raining at 4:30pm on a weekday.

There’s a worship song that goes something like ‘open the floodgates of heaven, let it rain…’ (Relax there fella I’m not about to get all evangelical on you). It’s just that someone seems to have taken the song literally. The floodgates of heaven have literally been opened! It’s been raining like crazy of late. Normally I do not mind this kind of weather, but when it starts interfering with my working hours it gets me a tad edgy.

Over the past week, the clouds have been caving in just when folks are about to call it a day. You know, that time when you’ve already lost focus and you just can’t wait for 5pm so you can get the hell out of the office. For most bachelors, it’s the time when we start brooding over what we’re going to have for dinner. It’s around this time when you realize the only food left in the fridge is raw tomatoes and you start weighing the options between cooking, buying fries or simply going Indomi. By the way is it just me or do all those noodles flavors taste the same? Anyway, when it starts pouring at 4:30pm it means you’re going to have to put in some overtime. In my line of work, as long people can spot me, issues are bound to arise. I’ve had to put in a lot of pro bono work over the past week. And I do not like it one bit.

The traffic! The traffic is simply nerve-wracking. As much as I would like to get melodramatic and curse this traffic to the dark depths of hell, I can’t because someone might sadistically sell me out. The truth is, traffic jam doesn’t really affect me much. My workplace is not that far from my residence and I go against traffic in the evenings. In fact, the first paragraph about Mr. Preacher going all Slim Shady is actually a hoax. But you gotta admit, it made one heck of an intro.

Regardless, I’m sure there are folks out there that are about to lose their minds. When you realize you’ve only covered 10 meters in one hour, you would be excused for going a little nuts. There are probably quite a number of steering wheels with dents on them as a result of brutal head-butts from frustrated drivers. Or even bite-mark engravings.

The traffic jam is a crisis. In telecommunication we have monitoring tools that alert us when shit is not right – like when the service goes down. If there’s a curse-meter up in heaven it must be really beeping and flashing between the hours of 4pm and 10pm on weekdays. The shits and f***s must be on an all time high.

And someone better explain to me how exactly rain triggers traffic jams. I mean do cars suddenly germinate when it starts pouring? Or does the biting cold cause the roads to shrink? I just do not get it. I believe these are the same cars we have on the roads every other day. Anyway, worry no more good people. I have come up with a few ways of tackling this predicament. You might want to thank me later.

The most obvious solution would be to work from home. That way you will be able to get working on time and even put in extra hours in the evening. Traffic will no longer be a menace. I mean, for years we’ve been showing so much loyalty toward our work and it’s high time our employers proved that they too trust us. If there’s home-schooling, why can’t there be home-working?

If the big boss does not agree to our first solution, then you will have to come together as colleagues and do a petition to the HR asking him to adjust the working hours. Think about it, there’s no way one can be productive at work if he/she only had four hours of sleep. People are just sitting around staring blankly at their computer screens and not getting much work done. You would think the sandwich they had for breakfast had marijuana leaves instead of bacon. There’s this colleague of mine who fell asleep in the washrooms while doing his thing. True story. Ok traffic might not explain why he got home at 3am last Thursday but still the HR doesn’t need to know the details. It makes sense to have people work from morning to lunch hours. That way people will get home in good time and get a good night’s sleep. Everyone will be happy.

Speaking about getting home in the wee hours of the morning, last Friday I found myself among folk that were passing time while waiting for the traffic to clear. Of course passing time involved having a drink or two. It’s always a drink or two right? I am yet to come across a sincere drinker who says, “hey guys how about we check into a bar and indulge till like 2am then blame it on the traffic?” Anyway being the nice guy that I am, I empathized with my colleagues and agreed to stay behind.

Someone suggested we head to the nearby Shooters and dips bar in Panari. I choked but still got into the car. It turned out to be quite an insightful night. Word of advice: If you get a chance of hanging out with the big shots, take it. The counsel you get from these guys is priceless. You will never get it at your local.

This brings me to solution number three: When it starts raining in the evening, dash into the nearest pub, order a drink and just chill. Nothing like a cold one after a hard day’s work. You even get to watch the news while at it. Trust me, you will feel so much better. Even though it might not be Friday, don’t restrain yourself too much. The point is being unfit for work the next day. So if shots are going at 100bob, throw down a couple. Those offers don’t come often. If there’s nice music, feel free to loosen your tie and hop onto the dance floor and get groovy. The next day your legs will feel like you were tackling Mt. Longonot. But that’s the whole point. There’s a good chance your boss will notice and release you early.

If worst comes to worst, just fake a fit as soon as you get back from lunch. Make sure your boss is around before you throw yourself to the ground. Then when you’ve regained ‘consciousness’ tell him/her you suffer from Astheosporosis – a rare condition that attacks Asheostropic people when they get rained on… or get stuck in traffic for long hours. Then cross your fingers he doesn’t look it up on google.

I got you back folks. One of those strategies is bound to work. Try them out and see for yourself. Until next week, have a wet one.

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Categories: Nonsense
  1. May 5, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Silly question but if you were given an option, what would you rather have at home: raw tomatoes or onions ;)? what would you do most with?

  2. May 7, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Why do I feel like that’s a trick question? I can’t eat any of those so I’d rather have real food.

  3. Anonymous
    May 7, 2012 at 11:03 am

    wewe una mambo….but i totally feel you on that 4:50pm rain#itssoannoying#NKT

  4. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Your parting shot ‘have a wet one’ got me raising my eyebrows…………..:) Anyhow,lovely post!

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