Home > Behavior > Why you never heard from him again

Why you never heard from him again

Most men would rather undergo a vasectomy than admit that they read relationship articles. But I am coming clean to admit that I cannot go through the Sunday Nation without reading Dr. Chris Hart’s article on relationships. I even subscribed to the blog Project44 because Fridah and Joyce write some interesting eye-opening articles regarding men and women.

So after overhearing a guy telling his buddy about a ‘not so amazing’ date he had, I thought I should write something on this contentious topic. That’s the least I could do for this brother. He sounded really disappointed. You’d think the girl showed up in gumboots.

Every man has a similar story. We’ve all been disappointed one time or another. I’m glad I came across this whiny guy because he inspired me to write about some of the traits that turn men off. It is a bitter pill to swallow especially if you had such big expectations. Ladies you better pay attention.

Lateness – I cannot stand people that can’t keep time, leave alone a date that keeps me waiting. Ladies, keeping a man waiting is no longer cool. Men have things to do nowadays. I’m sure the premier league wasn’t as interesting 20 years ago. Bars were definitely fewer. I once went for a date with this chick who after keeping me waiting for about an hour, gets to town and tells me that when I first called her (five minutes past our agreed time), she was just about to take a bath! I actually considered cancelling the date. I wish I had.

That brings me into me to the second point: Acting dumb or just being dumb. How do you keep someone waiting for one hour then go ahead and tell him that you had not showered by the time you were supposed to meet? I think that’s being plain dumb! Saying that that her hair had accidentally caught fire would have been a smarter thing to say. The chick was pissing me off and she was on a roll.

Men like smart ladies. We like ladies that know what is happening around them, and not just who Kim Kardiashan is dating or what Beyonce had for dinner. Grab a newspaper once in a while or watch the news. It will go a long way. Of course this does not mean you go on and on about your thoughts on Gema and Kamatusa, while the man is trying to compliment your figure.

Closely connected to this is a lady that can challenge a man. A chick that agrees with everything the man says is a big turn off. You got to have a stand of your own. On the other hand, challenging everything a man says might end up bruising his ego so you might want to moderate it. But don’t just nod your head the whole time. Once in a while disagree with him and present your stand. Well, as long as you do not argue that you think boys in Mohawks look cool.

There’s this misconception among chicks that while on a date, the less you eat the more ladylike you appear. That’s so far away from the truth. If a man takes you out for dinner and pays a significant sum only for you get ‘full’ after three spoonfuls, don’t be surprised if the next time around he takes you to Sonford fish and chips (that’s if he’s willing to see you again). And there probably won’t be any fish; just chips and tomato sauce. Ladies, you allowed to dig in. As long as you don’t devour a whole chicken by yourself you’ll be fine. Men love chicks that give them a run for their money when it comes to eating.

Personally, if there’s one thing that’s a major turns me off it’s got to be an unambitious chick. Don’t sit with a man and tell him that all you want out of life is to get a baby girl, name her Ivy Blue then become a housewife. Share your dreams and ambitions and be realistic about them. Don’t tell us that you want a husband that will buy you a nice car and build a house that has a Jacuzzi. That shows us that you do not believe in your abilities and you are therefore looking for a man to leech on. We would be more impressed is you showed us that you have a functioning brain that can get you where you want to be.

Dress well. I was avoiding obvious tips but I realized this one might not be as obvious. Dressing is a challenge to some women. If you’re hooking up for the first date, you do not have to overdress. Neither should you underdress. You don’t need to show up looking like Eva Longoria or we might think you have esteem issues and therefore you feel the need to try too hard. Again, don’t show up looking like you just came from soccer practice. A fitting dress or fitting jeans would be good enough. Avoid cheap sandals and God forbid, safari boots. You don’t want a dude feeling like he’s on a date with Dennis Oliech.

If he takes you out for drinks, please don’t ask for a double of black label if your usual is a cold whitecap – or God forbid guiness kubwa. By the way I’ve never understood why a chick would take guiness. I imagine chicks that drink guiness sound like Ramah Nyang. There’s even a billboard advertising the drink along Uhuru highway and the tag line reads ‘come drink at the table of men.’ So unless you’re sporting a goatee please find another drink. At least one that doesn’t make you look like a man-beater.

Don’t appear desperate. Don’t make it seem like with a little sauce you would ‘eat’ the man right there on the dinner table. It’s ok to flirt a little but just don’t overdo it.

Don’t’ rant too much. It’s ok to let us know what pisses you off but don’t go on and on like the very idea of life makes you want to drive a screwdriver into your ears. Don’t get too emotional in the middle of conversations. Don’t bring up sad or distressing stories. Not on the first date. Save that for your pastor.

Lastly, don’t be stiff. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Have fun. Have a sense of humor. You’re not a courtroom. It’s not a job interview. Relax and have a good time. I like to joke so I can imagine being on a date with a chick that just sits there staring at me like I am a lecturer.

That first date might be the only chance you have. There is rarely a second chance when it comes to these things. Bring you A-game. Be at your best.

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Categories: Behavior
  1. Linda
    April 16, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Thank God for redeeming me on the food issue…food and I are definitely closely related 😀 Thanks for the tips Joel. Now someone please come up with an article titled, ‘Why you never heard from her again’ …something about talking on the phone about business for hours??? I think women are guilty of this too…it’s an unsaid, unwritten rule that when you are on a date, whether with someone you have known for awhile or someone you just met, to keep your phone business at the minimum 🙂

    Nice article Joel, I enjoyed 🙂

    • April 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm

      Hehe Linda if Naivasha was anything to go by… I think you and Davie were the last people standing. Why don’t you come up with that post? Thank you.

  2. April 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

    The lateness part, I very much loathe. The Guiness Kubwa part is hilarious. I enjoyed the article. Have a blessed week.

    • April 17, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      Same to you Kimani. Thanks

  3. Anonymous
    April 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

    My sentiments exactly 🙂 .

  4. sarah.
    April 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Joel, you are still nursing an Easter hangover aren’t you? The typo’s in this are hinting to that. Good read otherwise.
    You really waited for an hour? Wow!!! The longest time I can wait for anyone is 15 mins, and that is if they’ve called ahead of time to say they’ll be late & why. Otherwise the only person who has the power to make me wait that long is an emergency room doctor when my family member is on the other side of the double doors. I could be in another state or even country in an hour for heavens sake!!!

    • April 17, 2012 at 6:11 pm

      Ahem, clearly it’s the Easter effect. Thanks Sarah.
      Imagine I did. I was still building on my confidence then. That was unacceptable.

  5. The_Observer
    April 16, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    The ambition/focus part reminds of a friend who is so pissed off by any chic who has no focus in life…it is the desperadoes that turn me off big tym..quite a goodread

    • April 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      Thank you. Someone has to say it…

  6. Anonymous
    April 16, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    il comment after am done rolling on the floor with laughter……great piece!!!!

  7. April 17, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Joey, Joey, Joey 🙂 This one has me all smiles BUT I figured you for a glass half-full kinda guy…meaning, I thought you’d shrug off a bad date & instead savour an awesome date you had…

    Personally, I’d love to see that in Kenya. Go to pubs, blogs etc everyone is hating on everyone else (both men & women) a foreigner would be terrified of us no?…and I’m like, griping it eeeasy…I want a gentleman/lady who can write about a mindblowing date/evening they had…Cheers

    • April 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm

      Jacquie, this was not meant for Kenyan ladies only but I see your point. I will do you proud soon and I will credit you.

  8. April 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Great piece and you are funny! I agree re time keeping, people who are always late, mostly unreasonably, just spoil a day.

    Thanks for ‘bigging up’ Project 44!

    ps.I don’t drink Guiness (each to their own) but I disagree with that billboard…..I find it a tad insulting..

    • April 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

      Thank you and keep up the good job.
      You sure you don’t drink guiness? Let’s face it, that drink is tailored for men just like red ice is tailored for chicks.

  9. Kariuki
    April 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

    And I because of your a thousand rules, I’d hate to go on a date with you. Kuwa mpole na date ita bamba. So she’s late, dig into a book while u wait.

    • April 19, 2012 at 11:32 am

      Kariuki, the 24hrs in my day are barely enough for me to do everything I’d want to do. I can’t stand anyone that wastes my time. Personally I wouldn’t see a chick for a second time if she broke any of my ‘a thousand rules’. For me those are the benchmarks.

  10. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Thanks for the tips Joey:)

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