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An exciting tour

At exactly 1pm on Friday I alighted from a bus in Kisumu city. As soon as I stepped out the sun hit the top of my head so hard I could feel my brain cooking. You can actually feel your brain turning into pasta. I tell you each morning the sun in Kisumu rises with a mission. It’s in that part of the world where the sun realizes its full potential.

I’d never been in Kisumu before. I was in the company of my lady and we were excited. We simply couldn’t wait to get to the shore of Lake Victoria and have some of that famed, lip smacking fish. My friend Linda had praised the fish so much I had put it in my bucket list.

After settling in, we found our way to the shores of the lake. I could swear the women who prepare the fish are gifted with special powers. They have a special ability of sniffing out potential customers. They were all over us even before we alighted from the tuktuk. A woman with a big body won the battle after successfully daunting her competition.

She led us to her shack and directed us to a table that had an assortment of roasted fish that had been grouped according to size. The modus operandi is you select the size that you think will fill your stomach and then you take a sit and wait for it to be fried.

The waiting part is the hardest. It’s a nail-biting situation. My stomach was rumbling and I was salivating so much my tongue was afloat in my mouth. My girl and I were both silent in anticipation. She was aware that I was getting impatient and about to get very fussy, and was smart enough to ease the anxiety with one brilliant line:

“Here is what really gets my goat…”

We laughed heartily at the joke. For a moment there I was distracted. If you didn’t get it, refer to this link. Remember to come back here.

Our little mirth was interrupted by the sight of a woman approaching holding two platters on each hand. My neck stretched to its elastic limit. I had a broad smile on me as she walked towards our table. But the smile soon turned into a sneer when she walked past me and placed both plates before my girl, completely ignoring me. One contained a huge mountain of ugali, and the other was the real deal: It contained a mouth-watering whole fish that had been fried with some greens.

It is wrong to subject your customer to such agonizing torture. I should have asked to see the manager and raised hell. The management needs to hire more attendants so that meals for couples are brought to the table at exactly the same time. That’s all they need to do to be the number one fish spot in Kisumu.

I dug into my food as soon as the plate landed on the table. The ugali was so hot but that did not deter me. My fingers learnt how to tap dance. The fish! The fish was something out of this world. It gets to your mouth and your tongue climaxes. That mean chef from Hell’s Kitchen would be so impressed by the lakeside women’s ability to prepare such scrumptious fish. If ever you need to reward your mouth for whatever reason, take it to Kisumu. It will forever be indebted to you.

Kisumu is such a hassle-free place. I’ve never been to a more relaxed town. Traffic flows freely and streets are not as crowded. You can walk freely without people bumping into your shoulder. The residents are polite and friendly. I need not mention that the fish epitomizes all that is wonderful in Kisumu city. Sighting of a probox is yet to be recorded in this part of the country.

The next destination in our itinerary was Eldoret. On Saturday morning we left Kisumu for Eldoret. My mission was to meet up my special friend Fabian. It had been four years since I’d last seen my first year campus roommate. He was back to Eldoret from his impulsive trip to Malindi, and I was eager to see him.

Fabian came to pick us shortly after we’d settled in. I was pleased to see him. He’s not changed in the least bit. Even his specs look the same. He leads us to the family hotel, Cicada. When we get to the entrance the guards greet him respectfully and then proceed to search him before searching us. I find that very amusing.

The hotel is exquisitely furnished. Everything – from the choice of furniture to the fittings – is of impeccable taste. We walk past the lounge on ground floor and climb up to first floor where there’s a pub. An attendant comes to our table to take our orders. I ask for water. Fabian makes it clear that everything is on the house and my order quickly changes. He even buys us lunch and I’m like, “ooh you didn’t have to.”

We reminisce on the times we’ve shared. We talk about work, ambitions, prosperity, women (this he dominates), and so on. Fabian is the most engaging guy you will ever meet. He talks with such gusto and has a great sense of humor. Four hours fly by unnoticeably. We agree that we would go refresh then meet up later in the evening.

At around 8pm I call him and he tells me he didn’t even make it to his place. As he was going home he met some friends and they went back to the hotel. We agree to meet him at the same place and we set off.

When we get to the hotel, he is in the company of four other revelers: Two ladies and two gentlemen. All of them seem a bit liquored up. We join in the fun. That afternoon I had suggested that Fabian brings with him a female companion in the evening but he’d brushed off the idea saying that ladies no longer tickled his fancy. He implied that he had changed and he no longer bothered chasing after women. His conduct that evening did not corroborate his claims. In summary, that evening, his friend had warmed a bath only for my friend Fabian to bathe in it. Evidently, old habits die hard.

On Sunday morning we traveled back to Nairobi. My tour was awesome. I had a great time. I saw a lot and learnt a lot. I also got to be with a special person. I had created memories.

  1. Sikalili
    February 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    He he Chef Ramsey would definately be proud 🙂 couldnt have described it any better good job Joey!

  2. February 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    No no no!(Like the Trust condoms commercials)…Too short omera,I had just started the holiday with you man.

    Glad ya’ll had fun.

  3. February 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Hahaha…and way to diffuse the tension Sikalishlish…’here’s what really gets my goat…’.I hope ya’ll atleast had your pants on though.

    • February 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      Haha of course we did! The doc would have been really puzzled…

  4. Anonymous
    February 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    I told you that fish was the ish! Those women deserve a humanitarian award or something! lol 🙂

  5. February 29, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Fabian is quite a character…speaking of your merry band of friends, how is Sly? Now she made quite an impression on me 🙂

    • March 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      You can say that again. The last time I saw Sly was back in Mombasa and she had blacked-out on a bed in a wet costume.

  6. thatguy
    March 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    lolest, boss you never disappoint. Your fingers learnt to tap dance….too funny man.

    If ever you need to reward your mouth for whatever reason, take it to Kisumu. It will forever be indebted to you………boss this part has killed me. Too funny man!

    nimejienjoy! Tusker utakunywa……..

  7. Liberty
    August 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    This post didn’t tag at my heart strings…….:( There were a few funny moments though:):)

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